i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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