Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
