i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
