I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
