smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
