Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
