he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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