I could make wine with my vomit
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
