Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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