Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
