Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
