2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
