It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He better not be in your backpack
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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