we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
