Don't make out with my wife yet
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
