wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
