Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sorry about my life...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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