I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
