i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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