i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
