It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
