I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
