Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
