I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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