I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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