best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
