So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
