True but thats because hes a fetus.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
