Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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