Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
