We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
