So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
