I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
