whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My penis needs a shock collar
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
