the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
