I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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