Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
