drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
