I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
