VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
