She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
