i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
