guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
