Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
