So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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