His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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