k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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