Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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