oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
