i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
