and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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